we shall not cease from exploration
by airbefore
Summary: In that one moment, he knows he's ruined.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

_Someone on tumblr asked me how I thought Castle gave Beckett an orgasm for the first time and this was my response. Big, big thanks to the anon who provided the inspiration. __ A post-Always fic, I suppose._

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Her fingernails cut into the back of his neck when he pins her up against the wall in his office, his mouth roaming over her damp skin and hands pulling at her wet clothes. Kate moans when he slips his thigh between hers and his hips rock forward at the sound. He wants to hear it again.

And again.

His name is a breathy sigh hanging in the back of her throat as he pulls her shirt up over her breasts and runs a hand across the flat plane of her stomach. He tries to pull back, to get her shirt over her head, but Kate clings to him, teeth sinking into the side of his neck.

Surrendering to her attack, Castle runs his hands up her sides, fingers strumming over her ribs. Her pelvis pitches forward and her head hits the wall when he pulls her bra out of the way and rolls her nipples between his fingers, his touch firm and sure.

Kate rocks into his leg when he dips his head to her breast, her hips setting up a tight little rhythm as she fists his hair in both hands and arches her back. The overwhelming need to feel her, to touch her, wells up in his chest and Castle slides his right hand down, popping the button on her jeans and slowly lowering the zipper.

His fingers dip under the waistband of her underwear, the heel of his hand pressed firmly into her abdomen. They both moan when he shifts down to cup her in his palm, her breast falling from his mouth as he pants harshly against her skin. He's wanted this for so long. Wanted to feel her pressed up against him, her body warm and responsive and his.

_Castle, please._

Gently, he slides his middle finger against her, her name caught in his chest when he feels her for the first time, feels how hot and wet she is, how ready. Castle straightens his back as he teases her with one finger, wanting to see her face. To see what he does to her. Her eyes flutter in time with the tight circles he's drawing around her clit and he presses his leg harder between hers.

_Look at me, Kate._

Her eyes are hazy when they meet his, green irises nothing more than halos around the inky black pupils. Castle rakes his gaze over her face when he pushes one finger into her, watches the way her throat convulses and her mouth falls open. In that one moment, feeling her clench around his finger as she grinds herself into his palm, he knows he's ruined.

Her rhythm quickly gets sloppy and rough and Castle grips her hip with his left hand, trying to even her out. Kate's head rolls from side to side against the wall, hands twin vices around his biceps. She whines out something that sounds like _more_ and he slips another finger into her, tongue licking a wet stripe up the column of her throat.

He needs her. Needs to know right now what it's like when she comes for him, how she feels and sounds. Pressing his body more firmly into hers, Castle rocks his hips and twists his palm, his forehead falling into the crook of her neck when she clamps down around him and whimpers his name over and over, one hand sliding down to wrap around his wrist, holding him in place as she continues to rock.

Kate sags back against the wall after a long minute, her chest heaving and eyes closed. She flutters around him as he gently pulls out, her body trying to keep him close. Leaving a sticky trail up her stomach and over her breasts, Castle settles his hand at the base of her throat where he can feel her heart pounding against his palm.

Slowly, he kisses her, pulling her body off the wall and walking her backward toward the bedroom, want and need aching low in his groin.

He's never going to be the same.

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Thanks for reading. Your thoughts and comments are always appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

_I was thinking more about how this night might have gone for them, the series of things they experienced together for the first time. The things they'd both wanted for such a long time. I wanted to explore that feeling of finally giving into one another- how it was both amazing and overwhelming- a little more and so I decided to add another chapter or two. Hope you like it. _

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Heat radiates between their bodies, a steamy sauna swirling around them, leaving her skin sticky and buzzing. He's propped up on his elbows, watching her kiss, lick, and nip a meandering trail down his chest. The tips of her hair, matted and damp, trail after her mouth and Kate smiles into his skin as his muscles jump and twitch.

Her brain hasn't caught up with her body yet. She's wanted this, wanted him, for so long and it slams into her chest every few seconds, stealing her air and arresting her heart. This is real. She's naked in his bed, her knees sliding over the cool silk of his sheets, her breasts skimming across soft cotton of his boxers.

Castle curses out her name when she grips the elastic band between her teeth and pulls, letting it snap back against his skin with a satisfying pop. Grinning, she replaces her teeth with her fingers and tugs, pulling the boxers down and off. She stares at him, takes him in, heart beating erratically at the base of her throat. So good. So, _so_ good.

Kate scrapes her nails along his thighs, the coarse hair catching in the shallows ridges of her fingertips. His eyes are cloudy and half open when she looks back up at him, his face a churning storm of lust and need. Leaning forward, she presses a wet kiss to the inside of his left knee, the salt on his skin burning the tip of her tongue.

He lets out a dark moan the first time she touches him, her fingers skimming lightly up the underside of his erection. The sound crashes over her and she wants to hear it again, wants to hear the way it rumbles in his chest, ribs rattling with the force of it.

Kate drags her mouth up the length of his inner thigh, navigating slowly over the rough terrain until her tongue dips into the shallow dent where leg blends into torso and Castle hisses, his body almost vibrating under hers. Wrapping her hand around his base, she strokes him gently, watching the way his stomach tightens when she twists her palm around his tip. Two fingers touch her shoulder when she leans down, her mouth open and lips wet.

_You don't have -_

Kate tightens her grip and looks up at him. Pressing onto her knees, she raises over him, her nipples brushing lightly against his chest. She kisses him fiercely, biting at his lips and sucking his tongue as she moves to straddle his thigh. Castle gasps when she grinds against him, one hand flying to her hip, his thumb digging sharply into her abdomen. Breaking the kiss, she pulls back and to meet his gaze.

_I want to._

She does. She wants this. Craves it. Wants to feel the weight of him on her tongue, the burn in her lips as she stretches her mouth around him. She wants to know what it sounds like when he loses control, how it feels when he fists his hands in her hair and flexes his thighs. She's fantasized about it so many times, her hand between her legs and his name in her mouth.

She wants this.

Slowly, eyes never leaving his, Kate slides back down his body, his leg still trapped between hers. His breath catches when she licks him from bottom to top, flicks her tongue lightly against the tip before dropping back down to do it again.

Her name spills hotly over his lips when she takes him into her mouth, his hands fisting tightly in the sheets as she bobs over him. Low moans roar in her ears and all she can think is that she wants more. More of her name in his throat, more of his body, more of his kisses and touches and moans. More of him. Just more.

Kate rocks against his leg, the hot coil of need at the base of her spine too much to ignore. She moans around him when he bends his knee, lets her slide over the angled line of his shin.. Castle's shoulders hit the headboard and then his hands are everywhere at once, sweeping over her shoulders and back, tangling in her hair, cupping her neck. His thumb strokes the line of her jaw as she moves, worships him with lips and tongue and hands.

His fingers close over her shoulders and he grits out her name, the sounds gravel in his throat. He tells her to stop but she can't. She wants to feel it; the hot surge of him in her mouth, the pump of his hips against her breasts. He's begging her, hands tugging at her shoulders, abs tense with the strain of holding back.

The almost pained crack in his voice gets her, makes her release him, let him slowly slip from between her lips. Hunger, pure carnal _want_, flames in his eyes when she looks at him and he drags her up his body, his mouth hot and insistent at hers, large hands palming her ass as he grinds himself into her stomach.

She thinks about the time she wasted. All the time she spent denying this. Denying that she wants him, needs him. Loves him. It curls at the back of her tongue, all the things she wants to say, the things she wants to give to him.

But then he's rolling them over and the words are gone, lost to the weight of his body and the ferocity of his kiss. She can tell him like this, can let the glide of her hands and the roll of her hips speak it all for her. This is what she wants. This is what she needs.

This is everything.

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_Thanks for reading. Your thoughts and comments are always appreciated. _


	3. Chapter 3

The edges of his vision darken and blur when she gasps out his name, the syllables distinct and full of a desperate need as her leg folds over his hip, dragging him closer. Closer to where he wants so badly to be. The heat of her scalds him, makes his erection twitch against the smooth skin of her thigh.

He slides into her as slowly as he can manage, fighting the urge to slam their bodies together in one furious thrust. To take her, to give himself to her. To feel the rush of ecstasy he craves. Kate fists her hand at the back of his head, her wide, dark eyes locked with his. He can see the awe written there. The want, the need.

Something he's almost certain is love.

Castle reaches up and frees his hair from her grip, bringing her hand around to his mouth. He lays a kiss to the center of her palm before lacing their fingers and lifting Kate's arm high over her head. Pressing the back of her hand into the mattress, he shifts his hips, moving inside of her for the first time.

Finally.

She flutters around him and his breath catches hard in his chest, all the emotion from the past three days, the past four years, surging up at once and choking him. Loosening his neck, he leans down and rests his forehead against hers, trying to swallow back the jumble of words knotting at the base of his throat. So many things he wants to say to her.

How he still carries the hurt of her lie next to his heart, has to work daily on fully forgiving her. That he would have waited for her no matter what. To apologize for his own lies but not for trying to protect her, not for doing anything and everything he could to keep her safe. Alive.

He needs her to know how long he's wanted this, wanted her. All of her. Her body, her mind, her heart. That she makes him happy, fulfills him. How in love with her he is. He feels it bursting in his chest, burning his lungs and pounding through his veins. He loves her. Couldn't stop if he wanted to; when he wanted to. Even when the pain of loving her ripped a jagged hole in his chest, he couldn't turn it off, couldn't stem the flow.

Slim fingers dance along his jaw, her thumb brushing lightly across his chin as she tilts her head and cranes her neck, stretching up to kiss him. Castle groans into her mouth when she rolls her hips against his, sliding around him. He pulls back, trying not to whimper as she chases him, the leg around his waist tightening.

Kate shakes her hand free, lowering her arm and scraping her nails over his back, urging him on with a deep moan that stokes the fire licking up his spine. She pleads with him to go faster, gripping his ass and biting at his shoulder, her breasts pressed against his ribs.

Tension coils in his muscles and he suppresses it, fights the growing desire to let himself go, to thrust into her as forcefully as he can. He gives her a taste of it, a glimpse of what he's holding back, and she growls a long _yes_ into his ear, clenching around him, dragging him closer to edge. It's almost enough to make him lose the control he's clinging to so periously, to let loose the reins on everything he's been smothering for so long.

No. Not this time. Fast and furious can come later. He wants this to go on forever, wants her to feel it, make her see everything they can be together. Needs her to understand that this - This is it.

This is _them_.

He breaks when she moans his name.

_Rick, please._

Kate cries out as he crashes into her, slamming his hips against hers, the weight of the past four years driving him forward. Her nails scrape down his chest when he presses up onto his hands, the rush of cool air bringing her nipples to taut peaks. Bowing his back, Castle leans in and pulls her breast into his mouth, biting and sucking until she turns rigid, her body seizing.

His mind goes white when she clamps down and pulses around him, body shaking as he tries to control himself, to hold back the orgasm thrashing low in his groin. He's not ready for this to be over, not yet. Kate arches off the bed, the long line of her neck exposed as she presses the back of her head into the mattress, mouth open in a silent scream.

Castle slows to a stop, wedging his hands under her shoulders and pulling her to his chest. Gently, he shifts back until he's sitting in the middle of the bed, her limp body draped over him. He needs them to be on level ground, eye to eye. Equals.

Partners.

Kate pulls back to look at him with hazy eyes, her hands skimming across his shoulders and up his neck until she's cupping his cheeks. The pure, honest emotion in her kiss stuns him, makes his heart stutter and stomach roll.

The aching need to say it again burns through him and he tamps it down, channels it into the slide of his tongue and the grip of his hands. Twice he's said it out of desperation and he's not going to do it a third. The next time he tells her, it won't be in the middle of a fight or sex. She deserves more than that. They both do.

Kate rocks against him, her arms twining around his head and neck. He holds her as tightly as he can, one arm clinging to her waist and the other aligned with her spine, hand spread wide between her shoulder blades. He can feel her heart against his palm, a staccato counterpoint to his own frantic beat. Her voice, low and sweet, fills his ear as she murmurs affirmations and encouragement, mouth pressed to his temple.

_Come on, Castle. Let go._

Kate twists her hips, grinding into his lap, and he can't take it anymore, coming on a broken moan, her name bouncing around inside the cage of his ribs. She stays wrapped around him as he pants into her collarbone, her hand tightening in his hair when he mouths the words he so desperately wants to speak into her sweat slicked skin.

His breath catches when he feels her lips brush a silent _me too_ against his cheek.

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_Thank you for reading. Your thoughts and comments are always appreciated._


	4. Chapter 4

She's almost uncomfortably warm when she swims slowly back to consciousness. Castle's hand covers her stomach, fingers spread wide as he holds her, his chest a solid, hot wall pressed against her back. His knees bump the backs of her calves and she shifts on her hip, tilting her body back into his. He accepts her weight with a gentle sigh, breath washing over her naked shoulder.

A sigh of her own sticks in Kate's chest, pressing hard against her ribs. It's surreal, being here with him. Waking up in the middle of the night with his body wrapped around hers, the silk of his sheets slinking over her skin. She's wanted this - wanted him - for so long yet her brain can't process it, can't accept it as reality. As more than just another dream she'll wake up from at any moment, an ache between her legs and his name crumbling in her mouth.

She needs to see him, touch him. Needs to prove to herself that it is real, that it happened. That after years of denying him, denying herself, they're finally here. Together.

Castle grunts when she tries to pull away, his arm tightening around her waist. She can't stop the smile when he murmurs what sounds like a _no_ and buries his face in the tangled nest of her hair. Gently, she pushes against his arm, lifting it just enough to roll over. His hand settles low on her back and Kate closes her eyes for a moment, focusing on the heat of his touch seeping into her aching muscles.

She's going to have to tell him about what happened, about the fight, about being two fingers away from death. About quitting. She's going to have to tell him but not right now. Right now, all she wants is to lay in his bed and watch him sleep, his face more relaxed than she's seen it in a year.

Leaning back, her hair rustling over the pillowcase, she looks at him. Just looks. Lets her eyes roam over his face, his bare chest, the swell of his bicep. She drinks him in greedily, every part of him she can see. She never gets to do this, to _look _at him, to really see him.

Reaching up, Kate runs her fingers lightly over his face, brushes the thick spill of hair back with a smile. She always knew his hair would be soft. Her index finger traces the scar that runs along his forehead, smile turning to a frown as she realizes she has no idea how he got it.

A dull ache sets up in her chest the more she thinks about it, about how he knows so much of her - almost all - and her knowledge of him is so very limited. The urge to wake him up and ask, to interrogate him about his life, to burrow her way through his past until she knows everything from the name of this second grade teacher to the reasons why he writes, wells up inside of her chest. She swallows is back, forces herself to let it go for now.

They have time.

The thought makes her shiver. They have time now. Time to get to know each other, to learn, to grow. To make this thing that's been building between them for the past four years real. She wants that so badly. There were so many times when she was certain this would never happen, that they'd be nothing more than a series of seemingly insurmountable obstacles and missed chances. Doomed to fail before they even had a chance to start.

Kate rubs her hand against his cheek, electricity zipping up her arm when she brushes over his stubble. She does it again, letting her nails scrape against his skin, the short hairs abrading the pads of her fingers. A flame bursts to life low in her abdomen when she imagines feeling that burn on other parts of her body. Her neck, her breasts, her stomach. The inside of her thighs.

Her hips tilt toward him when she presses her legs together and Castle snuffles, his eyes fluttering open. He stares at her for a long moment and she watches it all flash across his face. Disbelief, hope, recognition. His fingers curl into her spine and he smiles, sleepy and lopsided.

_Hi._

Her heart tumbles at the sound of his voice, low and full of gravel. His eyes droop sleepily and she smiles back at him, her hand still on his face, thumb tracing over his cheekbone and fingers brushing the thin skin behind his ear.

How she loves this man.

The words thrash inside her, knocking hard against her ribs, bruising her heart. She calms them with a deep breath, the cool promise of liberation. Sliding her hand over his chest until she can feel the steady beat of his heart against her palm, she opens her mouth, sets them free.

_I'm in love with you._

His eyes slam shut, a stuttering breath rattling his ribs. Fingers dig into her back and she leans into him, moving closer until her breasts push against his chest. Castle breathes out her name and she stretches up, repeating the declaration as she brushes her lips over his chin, his cheek, the corner of his eye.

Kate moans softly when his fingers fist in her hair, pulling her back until he can reach her mouth. He kisses her almost savagely, sucking on her tongue and biting at her lips The mattress silently gives when he rolls them over, trapping her body under his. The kiss gentles, his lips soft and tender as his hand slips from her hair and slides down over her sternum, coming to rest in the valley of her breasts.

Breaking the kiss, Castle stares down at her, his face open and full of awe. He leans in and presses his forehead to hers, breathing the words back into her mouth on a deep sigh. Wrapping her leg high around his waist, Kate pulls him down into the cradle of her hips. They both moan softly at the contact, still so new and overwhelming.

Her fingers thread through his hair as he kisses a wet trail down her neck and over her chest, eyes falling shut when she feels the rasp of his stubble against her breasts, her body breaking out in goosebumps. She's fantasized about this since she first walked into that interrogation room with him four years ago, the scrape of his cheek over her skin, the soothing warmth of his tongue trailing behind.

He works down her body at a torturous pace, the pant of his breath and the smack of his lips the only sounds she can hear. Her hips lift when his tongue dips into her navel and she feels him chuckle against her stomach as he does it again, pulling a rough groan from her chest. Kate's hands fist, one in the sheet and one in his hair, as he drifts lower, biting and licking at her skin.

Her legs fall open when his chin skims over her hip. Castle lets out a growling moan, a dark, rich sound that makes her stomach roll, and buries his nose in the apex of her thigh, sucking forcefully at the thin skin he finds there.

She comes off the bed when he puts his mouth on her for the first time. He works slowly; wide, flat tongue dragging across her, dipping in to flick lightly at her clit. The pressure builds until she's pumping her hips up into his face, whimpering his name. Castle slips one finger into her and slides his other hand across the bed, pulling the sheets from her grip and lacing their fingers. He moves their joined hands to rest low on her abdomen and Kate tightens her fingers around his, begs him for more.

Stars explode behind her eyes when he pushes another finger into her and sucks on her clit, nose pressed hard into her pubic bone. Kate plants her feet on the bed, lifting her hips and almost screaming his name. Castle follows her, never letting go, never stopping. Not until she collapses into a boneless puddle in the middle of the bed.

The first thing she sees when she opens her eyes is his face, hovering over hers, a smug grin tilting at his lips. Wrapping a hand around the back of his neck, Kate yanks him down into a sloppy kiss. She tastes herself on his lips, his tongue, and moans, pressing up into him until he rolls over, dragging her onto his chest. Castle looks up at her with glassy eyes as she straddles his hips and rises over him, her chest heaving.

She watches his mouth fall open and eyes flutter shut as she lowers herself onto him, sliding down until the space between them is nonexistent. Kate pulls his hands off her thighs and slips her fingers between his. Leaning over him, she presses the backs of his hands into the mattress on either side of his head and rocks her hips.

_Open your eyes. _

He does, his gaze locking with hers, never breaking as she rolls and rocks. Rides. Love and arousal swirl in her chest, mixing together and reacting until it all pours out of her mouth, a waterfall of rushed words crashing down over him. How much she wants him, needs him, loves him. Castle pumps his hips, thrusting up into her as hard as he can, making his own confessions, sharing his own secrets.

She comes on a breathy groan, collapsing onto his chest and Castle slams into her a half a dozen more times before he breaks, her name a hot gust of wind on his lips. Gently, he untangles their hands and wraps his arms around her, holding her tightly to his chest as he rolls them over onto their sides. His fingers skim her back, shoulder blades to tailbone and back up again, his heart pounding against her chest as he catches his breath.

She almost misses his whisper, her body once again answering the siren call of sleep.

_You love me._

Yeah.

She does.

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_Okay, this is officially finished now. _

_Thanks for reading. Your thoughts and comments are always appreciated. _


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